Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
