So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
