Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
