So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
