Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
