Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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