Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize