he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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