he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize