i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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