i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
