Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
