Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
