We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
