Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
How's work?
Spinning.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
