So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
