I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize