Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
