Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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