sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
