i think i scared a bird with my dick
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
