dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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