I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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