Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just tell him i said nine months
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
