The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
