k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
