hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My penis needs a shock collar
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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