pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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