I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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