Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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