And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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