Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
