she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
