I'm really into asian looking animals
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
