They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We have so much sex to catch up on
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize