I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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