the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
