Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
