The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
