Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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