At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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