how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
