I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
