addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
