Since when is my name a synonym for head?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
no more duck duck goose at the bar
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
