I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
