Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
