party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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