Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
