And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It was confusing and full of hummus
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
