Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
