never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
