Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
