that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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