The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
