Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
