I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
