sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize