Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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