just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
