All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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