with your own penis?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
