Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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