some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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