FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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