6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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