people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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