Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
