At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
