Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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