After last night, I could never be a politician.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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